Chapter 9: Partnering in the Fire
A Note from Gary
I'm single as I write this. Actively seeking a wife. And honestly, I've made mistakes in this area.
I used to choose women based on attraction, chemistry, shared interests. The usual criteria. What I didn't understand was that the most important partnerships of your life require an entirely different selection process.
When I asked Apostle Delmar about finding a wife, he didn't give me dating tips. He gave me kingdom principles that apply to every significant partnership: marriage, business, friendship. And the teaching completely rewired how I think about choosing the people I'll walk through life with.
This chapter is about the partnerships that matter most. How to choose them. How to protect them. And how to discern the difference between what looks good and what is good.
If you're single like me, this chapter might save you years of pain. If you're in business, this might protect you from devastating partnerships. If you're already married or partnered, this will help you understand what you have—or what needs to change.
Let's get into it.
Gary
Written by: Apostle Delmar
The Principle of Yoking
God doesn't waste words. When He repeats a principle across Scripture, pay attention.
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" — 2 Corinthians 6:14
This isn't just about marriage, though it applies there. It's about every significant partnership in your life.
A yoke is what farmers put on two oxen to work together in a field. Normally, you put a young, strong ox with an older, wiser one. The young one does the heavy pulling; the older one keeps them on track, training through the work itself.
When the Bible says don't be unequally yoked, it means don't partner with someone who will pull you in the wrong direction. Don't connect yourself to someone operating under a different master.
This applies to:
- Marriage: the most intimate yoke
- Business partnerships: shared financial and strategic destiny
- Close friendships: the people who shape your thinking
- Ministry partnerships: who you labor with in the Kingdom
Here's the reality: bad company corrupts good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33). You think you'll influence them, but the pull goes both ways. If they don't serve God, their father is the devil, whether they know it or not. And the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). What do you think happens when you yoke yourself to someone under that influence?
I've watched it happen too many times. Someone says, "But they're a good person." They might be nice. They might be moral by worldly standards. But if they don't know Jesus, they don't know real love. Real love comes from God. Without Him, they only know what they've seen, experienced, maybe what their parents modeled. And that could be anything, today.
Oil and water don't mix. You can stir them up, try to force it, but one floats and one sinks. They just don't mix.
So the first principle is simple: don't yoke yourself with unbelievers in the partnerships that matter most.
Choosing a Spouse by the Spirit
Now let me get specific about marriage, because this is where most people make their biggest mistakes.
You choose a spouse by the spirit, not by the natural.
What does that mean practically? No kissing, no sex, don't be putting nothing nowhere until God has connected your hearts.
Why? Because physical intimacy creates soul ties. And soul ties confuse your discernment.
When you become physically intimate with someone, your soul gets tied to theirs. Then you can't figure out: Is this the flesh wanting this person? Is this my soul that's been bonded to them? Or is this actually God bringing us together?
God can connect your hearts without any of that.
That's the beautiful thing. God can bring her to you, or you to her, and connect your hearts without a single physical touch. And when that happens, there's no confusion. You know it's God.
Think about it: if you can get along, enjoy being together, and genuinely want to be with each other without doing anything physical, how much more will you want to be together when you finally do? The marriage bed is a gift for those who waited properly.
The Kyle Testimony
Let me tell you about Kyle, the son of some faithful believers I know: Don and Mamie Smith.
Kyle got married at 28 years old. He had never kissed anyone. Never had sex. His parents covered him correctly, spiritually. They taught him the Way of Fire from the beginning.
Before his wedding, he came to me nervous. "I don't know what to do," he said. "I've never done any of this."
We laughed about it. He was genuinely innocent. I told him, "Man, you're gonna know exactly what to do. Trust me."
And he did. And today, that boy is doing very well. Very well off in his marriage, in his finances, in his walk with God. He and his wife couldn't have children at first, and everybody prayed—now they have two sons.
That's what happens when you're covered correctly. When you choose by the spirit instead of by the flesh.
My Story with Charlotte
Charlotte and I dated for 11 years before we got married.
Now, I wasn't born again when we started dating. I was in ninth grade. I didn't know the things I know now. And honestly? I wasn't walking right. I'm just being real with you.
But she held to her standards. She kept herself pure. The other girls I was spending time with—they didn't have those boundaries. But Charlotte did.
And you know what? That's exactly why she became my wife. Her boundaries protected the relationship. Her purity revealed her character.
Three years into our relationship, I stopped chasing other girls. I realized what I had. And when we finally got married, there was no confusion about whether it was God or just physical attraction.
The Garden of Eden Model
God designed marriage in the Garden of Eden. When He made Eve, He took a rib from Adam's side. Not from his head. Not from his feet. From his side.
They were meant to walk side by side. Not one in front, not one behind. Together.
After the curse, things changed. Men started going before women. But Jesus redeemed us from that curse (Galatians 3:13). So when God gives you a helpmate now, they are really that: someone who walks beside you, discusses things with you, agrees with you, with God right in the middle of it.
"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
The right spouse isn't just someone you're attracted to. It's someone God designed to literally walk by your side through every battle, every blessing, every season.
Business Partners and Kingdom Economics
The same principles apply to business.
When you're choosing a business partner, the first question isn't "Are they skilled?" or "Are they connected?" or "Do they have resources?"
The first question is: Are they born again? Do they belong to Jesus?
If they don't, you're yoking yourself with someone whose father is the devil. And the devil's children do what their father does: steal, kill, destroy. They might not intend it. They might seem like wonderful people. But they're operating under a different system.
Jesus told the Pharisees straight: "Ye are of your father the devil" (John 8:44). These were religious leaders. But they didn't know Jesus, so they didn't know the Father.
Working With vs. Yoking With
Now, let me be clear about something. There's a difference between working with unbelievers and yoking yourself to them.
Look at Joseph. He served Potiphar. He served Pharaoh. He was second in command of Egypt—a pagan nation. But he wasn't yoked to them. He served under their authority while remaining completely submitted to God.
Look at Daniel. He served Nebuchadnezzar. He served multiple pagan kings. But his allegiance was never divided. He was positioned by God in that place, but his yoke was with the Lord.
The difference is this: when the king believes in you and depends on you, that's one thing. But when you're equal partners with someone, sharing ownership, sharing decision-making, bound together financially and strategically, that's a yoke. And that yoke needs to be with someone who serves the same Master.
The Sevenfold Return
Here's the good news. Even if you mess up, even if you partner with the wrong person and get stolen from, God has a provision:
"But if he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the substance of his house." — Proverbs 6:31
You can claim sevenfold return when the enemy steals from you. That's how loving and merciful God is. He knew we'd make mistakes, so He paid the price before we even made them.
But it's better to choose right from the beginning. Save yourself the pain. Choose by the spirit.
Peace as the Guidance System
So how do you actually know? How do you discern whether a partnership is from God or just looks good in the natural?
You follow peace.
Jesus said:
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." — John 14:27
That peace isn't just a nice feeling. It's a guidance system.
Think of it like this: if you drive an electric car, you get a warning when your battery is low. The peace of God works the same way. When something's wrong, when you're about to make a bad decision, when you're in the presence of the wrong person, your peace gets disturbed.
It's like a watchdog. It's like a check engine light.
When everything's fine, your peace is settled. But when something's off, that peace starts moving. And when it moves, you need to pay attention.
Here's the critical thing: your spirit cannot be deceived. Your head can.
The devil is a master manipulator. He knows what your flesh likes. He knows what looks good, smells good, feels good. He can make something seem perfect in the natural. But he cannot touch your spirit.
When you're walking in the Way of Fire, when you're making your daily declarations, when the Word abides in you—your spirit becomes sensitive. You learn to recognize when peace is present and when it's disturbed.
Don't try to think your way through every decision. Let the spirit do the thinking for you.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." — Proverbs 3:5-6
Recognizing Fraud
Let me tell you a story.
A pastor friend of mine (a wealthy man who owned businesses and properties, lived in a four-story house) lost his wife. After she passed, women started coming around. They could see what he had.
One woman seemed promising. He brought her to our church so we could meet her, get a read on her. After the service, he asked me: "What do you think?"
I said, "Well, she's a nice lady. I think that's somebody you can pray about."
Then I asked Charlotte. Charlotte looked at me and said one word: "Fraud."
The woman was fake. Pretending. Putting on a show because she was after his possessions, not his heart.
And my friend needed to hear that. He said, "Okay. That's what I needed to hear."
Here's the thing: you won't see fraud with your natural eyes. The devil is too sneaky for that. Someone can look perfect in the natural while being completely wrong in the spirit.
That's why you need:
- Your own discernment: cultivated through intimacy with God
- Covering: trusted spiritual authority who can see what you might miss
- Time: because eventually, pretense falls apart
It's too late after you get married or after you sign the partnership agreement. Do the discerning before you're yoked.
The Declaration Connection
Remember the declaration from John 10:3:
"Jesus, I declare only you have access to my heart, pointing me in the right direction from the inside where no other voice can be heard. You lead me in the right direction, clearing the way as I safely follow you into the place of no lack, where every dream comes true—the blessing."
This declaration is critical for partnerships.
When you declare that only Jesus has access to your heart, you're positioning yourself to hear from Him. Not from the manipulations of the enemy, not from the confusion of soul ties, not from the deceptions that look good in the natural.
He speaks from the inside. The devil can only manipulate from the outside. When you've declared your allegiance, when you've positioned your heart correctly, you can trust the guidance you receive.
Practical Application
Let me give you some practical guidelines for choosing major partnerships:
For Marriage
- No physical intimacy before the heart is confirmed. This protects your discernment.
- Take time. Charlotte and I dated 11 years. You don't have to go that long, but don't rush.
- Involve your covering. Let trusted spiritual authority meet them and give you feedback.
- Watch how they respond to God. Do they serve? Do they surrender? Do they seek first the Kingdom?
- Look for side-by-side compatibility. Not just attraction, but partnership. Can you discuss? Can you agree? Can you pray together?
For Business
- First criterion: Are they born again? Everything else is secondary.
- Follow peace, not profit potential. A lucrative opportunity with the wrong partner is a trap.
- Get spiritual confirmation. Pray about it. Seek covering. Don't move on intellect alone.
- Have clear agreements. Even between believers. Write things down. Clarity prevents confusion.
- Be willing to walk away. If peace is disturbed, trust it, even if the numbers look good.
For All Partnerships
- Make your daily declarations. Keep your spirit sensitive.
- Stay in the Word. God cannot speak apart from His Word.
- Trust your spirit over your head. The truth and the lie cannot occupy the same space. Your spirit knows.
- Honor your covering. Run significant decisions by trusted spiritual authority.
- Remember the sevenfold return. If you've already made mistakes, God has provision. Repent, learn, and move forward.
The Ultimate Partner
In all of this, never forget: the most important partnership is with Christ Himself.
When you're fully yoked to Jesus (surrendered, obedient, walking in the fire), every other partnership flows from that foundation. You'll have the discernment to choose correctly. You'll have the strength to say no to wrong partnerships. You'll have the peace to confirm when something is from God.
The Way of Fire isn't walked alone. But it must be walked with the right people. Choose carefully. Choose by the spirit. Choose partners who are also on fire.
And when you find them, whether spouse, business partner, or ministry collaborator, you'll have something the world cannot manufacture: a partnership built on the Rock that cannot be shaken.
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" — Amos 3:3